Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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