Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
