I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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