dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
