I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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