smell my finger.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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