At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
