It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
