then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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