Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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