update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
