I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize