i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
