i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
did i just pee glitter
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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