does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
