I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
