More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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