I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
