you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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