I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will pee on everything he values.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
