Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
