Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
