apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
