Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
