I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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