just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
