anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
