I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
