he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
