Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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