Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
