Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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