i wish my penis had a tongue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize