and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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