So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
