I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
