DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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