They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
