I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
