i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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