i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
