I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
