Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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