he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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