lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
