My sheets look like a crime scene.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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