I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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