bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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