Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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