Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What drink are we having for lunch?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
