I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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