Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
