It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
