he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
