Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
