So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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