Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
