I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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