she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
