They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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