I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize