Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
then he tried to convert me to islam
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
