If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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