and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
