Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
