i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize