And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
