I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
