I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
