Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
