im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
