4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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