so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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