while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize