who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
