I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
